I have no idea… Just kidding, I have a few for you. It’s a pride killer to apologize, which is more of a reason to do it. Chances are fear, anger (from an offense), and pride were behind the situation somewhere anyway. If the relationship is worth it (You know, in it with the right person for the right reasons, at the right time), then feel free to have a short, closed casket ceremony for your pride. Go ahead, be the first person to say, “I’m sorry”, or… you can sit back and hope that your pride can make up for all the blessings you left behind by not fighting for the relationship.
Here are a few suggestions to help silence that little devil on your left shoulder (because he can’t be right! wink*).
#1 Pray about it – You should know by now that we are people of faith on this blog, stop playing! You cannot defeat something as age old and stubborn as pride by yourself. Dot and period! (Proverbs 3:5-7)
#2 Be Discreet – Everyone doesn’t need to know your business. If the misunderstanding or disagreement happened in public, you don’t have to put on a show, (but… I do recommend that you set the record straight if you did something like slander the person, or something). Just saying.
#3 Listen – If the person is ready/willing to talk it over with you… LISTEN! I mean really listen…with your heart! That means, look at them when they speak to you, and answer any questions that may arise as honestly as possible. Give them time to tell you how they are feeling and what’s on their mind. Which means, throw away your crystal ball and mind reading skills. (You know that never really worked anyway). Also, save your questions and comments for later.
Meanwhile, be taking mental notes of what the person is saying to you. You’ll need to reference them soon.
#4 Express yourself with sincerity – Now, it’s your turn! I hope you took mental notes. If that’s too much, then bring a pen and paper! No shade, it shows dedication to the cause. Worth it, is worth it. Don’t believe the hype, we ALL learn differently. It’s just that some of our learning styles tend to resemble each other sometimes…NO JUDGMENT HERE! (You are in a safe place)
#5 Apologize – That’s right! If you didn’t do this when you initially approached the person, do it! If you did, do it again! Make sure that you take responsibility for YOUR role in the situation. Not anyone else’s unless you empowered or enabled them. In that case, yeah, you should go ahead and apologize about that too.
NOTE: IF YOU FIND THAT YOUR BEHAVIOR IS/ HAS BEEN THE BIGGEST PART OF SOME/MOST/ALL OF THE MISUNDERSTANDINGS BETWEEN PARTIES, PLEASE STOP HERE AND REFER BACK TO #1, THEN SKIP DOWN TO #8. THANK YOU!
Hopefully, by this time you have a better understanding of exactly how the individual(s) feel and where you stand in their eyesight. (You can usually tell by their body language. I may share more details about my observances of this in another post.) If the other party/ies have played a role in the misunderstanding/argument too, give them room to take responsibility for it. Let’s ALL grow here people, OK?
#6 Learn – Ask the person what could be done by you differently moving forward if it wasn’t already stated in step #3 (Reminder: Check your notes), and the option is still open. Express what your hope and expectations are as well, for the sake of clarity.
#7 Decide – Closing time! This is it! Make it or break it time. Do you let your pride flatline or do you jump on its chest and give it the Heimlich, so it can suck the life out of your next relationship?
NOTE: THE DESIRE FOR RECONCILLIATION/TRUCE MUST BE MUTUAL! (It’s hard to win a race with a broken leg.)
#8 Acknowledge – If you have a hard time keeping relationships due to constant misunderstandings. If you always seem to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, or you tend to say the so called, “WRONG” thing at the right time. You may need to either consider counseling to share your situation with a professional who would be unbiased and attentive for the first, or you need to answer your calling because you’re called to be a prophet…ALL Day!!!
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